Ingredient Glossary
Every ingredient in our pantry, cataloged and commentated. Search by name, browse by letter, or just scroll and judge.
A
All-Purpose Flour
The centrist of the baking aisle. Not too strong, not too weak. Takes no bold positions but shows up reliably for every occasion. The establishment candidate of dry goods.
Apples
As American as... well, you know. The original campaign trail snack. Newton got gravity, we got crumble. Fair trade.
Avocado
Blamed for millennials not being able to afford houses. Whether this is economically accurate is debatable. Whether guacamole is worth it is not.
B
Butter
The golden standard of cooking fats. Has survived more cancellation attempts than any politician. Margarine tried to replace it in the 90s. Butter won.
C
Cabbage
The unsung hero of the produce aisle. Cheap, hardy, and willing to do the hard work that flashier vegetables won't. Basically the intern of the kitchen.
Canadian Bacon
Despite ongoing NAFTA complications, this lean ham remains essential for eggs Benedict. Not actually bacon, but we let Canada have this one.
Cheddar Cheese
America's cheese. Sharp, bold, and willing to melt under pressure — unlike most elected officials. The cornerstone of any self-respecting burger or loaded fry situation.
Chicken
Versatile, crowd-pleasing, and available in more configurations than a congressional spending bill. Breast for the health-conscious, thigh for those who actually want flavor.
Chicken Broth
Liquid gold (not to be confused with actual gold or gold-plated anything). The foundation of soups, sauces, and late-night comfort when the news cycle won't stop.
Cinnamon
Sweet, warm, and historically more valuable than gold. Empires rose and fell over this bark. Now it's $3.99 at the grocery store. Capitalism works sometimes.
Cucumbers
The raw material that, through vinegar and patience, becomes a pickle — and thus achieves its highest calling. The journey from cucumber to pickle is the American Dream in vegetable form.
Cumin
Warm, earthy, and essential to cuisines that crossed borders long before the debate started. The spice that proves flavor has no nationality.
D
Dill
Our namesake herb. Fresh, feathery, and fundamental to the art of pickling. Without dill, this would just be 'The Art of the' — and that's not a website anyone would visit.
E
Eggs
The original bipartisan ingredient. Both sides of the aisle agree: breakfast needs them. The chicken-or-egg debate remains unresolved, much like most congressional hearings.
G
Garlic
The great unifier. No political party opposes garlic (publicly). Wards off vampires, bland food, and boring dinner conversation.
Granulated Sugar
The lobbyist of the pantry. Gets into everything, makes everything more appealing, and the full extent of its influence is only visible on the nutrition label.
Ground Beef
The backbone of American cuisine and campaign trail barbecues. 80/20 blend is the bipartisan choice — enough fat for flavor, enough lean for plausible deniability about your diet.
H
Heavy Cream
The 1% of the dairy world — rich, indulgent, and absolutely essential for the finer things in life. Whips into peaks almost as high as the national debt.
Hot Sauce
The great equalizer. Turns any bland policy — sorry, dish — into something worth debating. Sriracha, Tabasco, or Frank's: choose your faction wisely.
I
Instant Ramen Noodles
The official food of budget sequestration. Costs less than a congressional stamp but sustains more people than most government programs.
K
Kale
The leafy green that somehow became a political statement. Eating it signals either environmental consciousness or a desperate attempt to live forever. Both valid.
Ketchup
The most controversial condiment in fine dining. Putting it on a well-done steak is either a crime against cuisine or a power move. There is no middle ground. This is the new culture war.
M
Milk
The beverage that launched a thousand mustache campaigns. Whole, skim, 2% — more factions than a congressional caucus. Got milk? Got opinions.
O
Oats
Humble, reliable, and packed with fiber — everything a good public servant should be. Works overtime in both breakfast bowls and crumble toppings.
Olive Oil
Extra virgin, like the purity of our editorial standards. A Mediterranean staple that somehow became controversial in American food debates. Use it for everything — we're not afraid.
P
Peaches
Juicy, sweet, and deeply associated with a particular constitutional process. Every time you eat one, somewhere a senator gets nervous.
Potatoes
The most democratic of vegetables — beloved across all party lines, income brackets, and culinary traditions. Fry them, mash them, bake them, or filibuster with them.
S
Sour Cream
Cream that went through an investigation and came out tangy. Used to cool down everything from burritos to political debates. The diplomatic condiment.
Soy Sauce
Ancient, complex, and the result of a long fermentation process — not unlike the legislative process, but soy sauce actually produces good results.
T
T-Bone Steak
The most presidential of cuts. Two steaks in one — the strip and the tenderloin, separated by a bone of contention. Best served well-done with ketchup if you want to start a culture war.
V
Vegetable Oil
The anonymous donor of the cooking world. Nobody brags about using it, but it shows up in everyone's kitchen. Neutral, reliable, and deeply unsexy.
W
White Fish
Cod, tilapia, halibut — the diplomats of the protein world. Mild enough to please everyone, versatile enough to adapt to any political climate or taco shell.
White Vinegar
Sour, transparent, and essential for preservation — three qualities sorely lacking in modern governance. The unsung hero of pickling, cleaning, and egg poaching.
White Wine
For cooking and sangria purposes only. What you do with the rest of the bottle is between you and your elected representative. Dry whites work best — like congressional humor.