Comey's FBI Farewell Meatloaf
You're Going to Need a Bigger Loaf
A towering meatloaf for a towering man — reportedly served to the 6-foot-8-inch FBI Director at an awkward White House dinner before he was fired via television while addressing agents in Los Angeles. This is a classic American meatloaf with a tangy ketchup glaze, built tall, served with a loyalty oath and no advance notice.
Prep
20m
Cook
60m
Total
80m
Difficulty
Easy
Yield
6 servings
Scandal
Ingredients
The Loyalty Loaf
The Pink-Slip Glaze
The Lordy, I Hope There Are Sides
Instructions
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. In a large bowl, soak breadcrumbs in milk until softened, about 5 minutes. This is the panade — it keeps the meatloaf tender and moist. Add eggs, diced onion, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, salt, pepper, thyme, and paprika. Mix well.
Tip: The panade is the secret to moist meatloaf. Without it, you get a dry, crumbly loaf — the culinary equivalent of a terse, two-paragraph termination letter.
Add the ground beef to the breadcrumb mixture. Mix with your hands until JUST combined — do not overmix or the meatloaf will be dense and tough, like the silence at that White House dinner. Shape into a tall, freestanding loaf on a parchment-lined rimmed baking sheet. Build it HIGH. This loaf should be 6 inches tall, minimum — we're going for Comey scale.
Tip: Free-form on a sheet pan, NOT in a loaf pan. A loaf pan traps grease and steams the meat. We want this loaf exposed and vulnerable, like an FBI director who thought he had job security.
Mix together all the glaze ingredients — ketchup, brown sugar, vinegar, and Worcestershire sauce — until smooth. Brush the top and sides of the meatloaf with half the glaze. The glaze is the public performance of civility before the private act of termination.
Tip: Save half the glaze for mid-bake application. In firing, as in glazing, timing is everything.
Bake for 35 minutes, then pull the meatloaf out and apply the remaining glaze. Return to the oven for another 20-25 minutes until the internal temperature reads 160 degrees F and the glaze is sticky, caramelized, and glistening.
Tip: Check the temperature in the center. It must reach 160 degrees F. The center must not be left in doubt — unlike, say, the question of whether that dinner constituted an attempt to secure a loyalty pledge.
Let the meatloaf rest for 10 minutes before slicing. Serve thick slabs with mashed potatoes and greens. At some point during the meal, have someone turn on a television in another room showing news of the meatloaf's termination, so the meatloaf finds out it's been fired from the dinner live on cable news.
Tip: Lordy, I hope there are leftovers.
Nutrition Estimate
Calories
480
Fat
28g
Carbs
22g
Protein
36g
Fiber
1g
Sodium
820mg
Nutrition estimates are approximate and may vary based on serving size, ingredient brands, and the current political climate. Not reviewed by the FDA or any regulatory body that still has funding.