The Tremendous Burger

The Best Burger. Everyone Says So.

A burger so big, so beautiful, that other burgers are calling to congratulate it. Two all-American beef patties with gold-leaf cheddar and ketchup — the only acceptable condiment.

Wednesday, January 15, 2025

Prep

15m

Cook

20m

Total

35m

Difficulty

Easy

Yield

4 servings

Scandal

3/5

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Ingredients

The Patties

2 lbs ground beef (American, obviously)
1 tsp salt (imported tariff-free)
1 tsp black pepper
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

The Fixings

4 brioche buns (the best buns)
8 slices American cheese (gold-standard)
Ketchup (the only condiment that matters)
Pickles (dill, naturally)

Instructions

Form the beef into 8 patties, each about 1/4 lb. Make them big, make them beautiful. Nobody makes patties like you.

Tip: Press a dimple in the center to prevent puffing — unlike certain political careers.

Heat a cast-iron skillet over high heat. Season patties with salt and pepper. Cook 3 minutes per side for medium.

Add two slices of American cheese to each patty in the last minute. Cover to melt. This is called 'The Art of the Melt.'

Toast the buns, assemble with ketchup and pickles. Serve immediately while still tremendous.

Nutrition Estimate

Calories

850

Fat

52g

Carbs

38g

Protein

55g

Fiber

Sodium

1200mg

Nutrition estimates are approximate and may vary based on serving size, ingredient brands, and the current political climate. Not reviewed by the FDA or any regulatory body that still has funding.